i want to be a swan.

Life is interesting isnt it? It surprises us with elements of joy, anger, beauty, sadness, love, despair, entertainment, appreaciation, confusion. It gives us tears, smiles, hugs, falls, bruises, high fives, fractures, kisses... and swans.

Yesterday, we (my cousin, her two friends, and i) went to Windsor Castle, which is where the Queen spends her weekends and its where the Royal Families of England have lived for centuries. It was SUPER COOL! I absolutely enjoyed it all: the history, the paintings, the silver furniture. Afterwards, we went to walk around windsor, which is the the little town. Its basically been there since Henry V i think idk something like that. As we approached the Thames River which also runs through it (go figure), I saw God.

There was this beautiful flock of swans swimming and floating on the shore being fed by the people. I honestly couldnt take my eyes off of them. Being from Miami, I have never seen swans. All i can remember of swans was The Swan Princess, one of my childhood favorites (i even had the tennis shoes), but never had i experienced them like this.

NEW MISSION IN LIFE: "I wanna be a Swan!"

They definitely did something to me. It was beyond their simple beauty... they gave me a sense of innocent frolick, they gave me a feeling of hope, they made me feel like i can fly.

i dont think i have ever been sure about a favorite animal... yup swan it is!

What, What In the Butt!

Pictures first this time... its easier that way :)

This is at Princess Diana's Memorial. Its this beautiful pool thing that goes around in a loop around this huge patch of grass (where people also take naps). The beautiful thing about the pool is that its made for people to stick their feet in, especially kids. When i was there, people of all ages were splashing their feet or letting them chill after a long day's walk in the water, and these little kids were even in their bathing suits. Its shallow all the way around and has its fun little hills so that people could walk through it. Unless you didn't know, the summer over here isn't so warm, so the water was pretty cold, but as humans we adjust. After half an hour, my feet were a little purple but i enjoyed it nonetheless :D

I'm enjoying my little cannon (oh Calypso, how i love you so).

I was sitting on a bench in Hyde park and was looking at the crazy pictures i had just taken of the ducks when i noticed something on the white of my shirt. It was this adorable little lady bug. I HAD TO TAKE A PIC. It took me like a good 5 minutes to get it on the grass again cause it refused to leave my fingers.... aww insect love

Yea, I'm pretty much in love with the pigeons and the ducks....

You know how i get about HARRY POTTER!

Again, my photographic skills are impressive ... ;D

Doesn't it look like she's breaking her neck to check out this guy???

Yes, the ORIGINAL Darth Vader Mask/Helmet thing can be found at The British Museum!!

...

well, of course I'm lying... its Greek.

See Mom, people do sleep in parks!!

My consistency sucks, doesn't it? Oh well... I'm trying.

SO since my last post, I've had the beautiful opportunity to spend most of the time wandering the streets of London. It was really exciting at first because i began to appreciate what i chose to do as Ximena, where i chose to turn as Ximena, what i chose to listen to on my ipod as Ximena, even what i chose to eat as Ximena. There's a difference. I guess its because i worry that whomever I'm with doesn't get bored (whoa, huge pet peeve); if its on my terms, I'm always trying to make sure something is happening. Now, what solo Ximena wants to do involves a lot of beautiful, relaxing, horizontal placement on grass ;) I've been loving the naps in the parks. I also love not worrying of where i should go next, which is something i usually spaz about when it comes to others. When I'm by myself i just go with the flow.

Truth: I do meticulously plan out my ways through the underground (the subway) and the bus lines, simply because i cant really deal with feeling like an idiot in front of others in that situation.

A new fact about the new, solo Ximena is that i DON'T PRETEND at museums. Since my wonderful Dad is an artist, i have been privileged to visit many galleries and art museums throughout my lifetime, but i find myself pressured into pretending that I'm "profoundly looking" at the art, at its strokes, its texture, its use or lack of color, its message. So with others, i take my time looking at each one as i "contemplate" its uniqueness... which is why i always end up falling asleep on one of the benches after an hour in. PRETENDING CAN BE EXHAUSTING... yea i said that ACTORS! Now, i quickly scan the paintings as i walk by to appreciate them in MY way. The ones that i find really interesting I'll take my time to realize why i think its interesting TO ME and I'll read the little summary next to it.

But it hasn't been all exploring and adventurous fun. After so much time by myself, the loneliness does kick in. There is an obvious separation between being by yourself and feeling lonely. Luckily, I've been coming home everyday to my cousin and she's been a beautiful company, especially since we've created a relationship that we didn't have before. But after all the empowering time and moments of learning within myself about myself... I've come to miss those that i left at home. One surely takes for granted the importance of their loved ones, especially those which one sees everyday. Well why does this sound familiar? Oh thats right, cause it happened at Eckerd. Again, its different. I had friends there and i still felt lonely. Here, its more of a "WHY HAVEN'T I MADE ANY FRIENDS?" and, of course, the continuous recognition of "wow, Natasha would have really loved to see this!" and "How weird, my Dad isn't here with me as i look at Van Gogh's Sunflowers." Before i left, i, along with many others, allowed me to build the expectation that i would, without a doubt, make at least one friend over here.

Its that expectation that continues to slap me at the end of every day.

One thing that massages my face after each slap is that this trip is about me and the only expectation i should put on myself, if any, is to have fun.

Sometimes i feel a little pathetic cause i see someone that looks like a "potential" friend and i create this whole scene in my head of how this person randomly comes up to me and asks me what I'm listening to on my ipod... and the rest are like beautiful snap shots of me and this person listening to the ipod together, laughing as i drop my ice cream scoop on their shoe, taking naps together in the park, watching Harry Potter together, sharing popcorn, running through the fields- but NO. The next thing i realize is this person isn't even on the train anymore and will never be seen again. Sad right? and then to make it up for myself, my brain begins to explain that these things either only happen in movies or happen when one least expects it. So i believe it, convince myself not to think about it, which then means i am thinking about it- its just a game in my head.

To reassure those that will begin to worry :: cough, cough:: my mom. I'm fine. I do miss everyone but again its part of the process. Who knows, maybe i will make a friend, i still got two weeks (BUT I'M NOT GONNA THINK ABOUT IT). One thing is for sure, I've strengthened the friendship with Ximena. She is no longer just my friend, the one that i know will be there no matter what, but may still require the comfort of others to feel better. She's my BFFL. Her and i go back like CAR SEATS. I'd pick her nose if i had too. SHOOT, I'D CLEAN HER BUTT TOO! Yea, thats how close we are... be jealous. And I'm glad I've had her along the way.

i miss you all incredibly.

Yours truly (OBVIOUSLY),

Xime

FINALLY!!!

WHOA! First blog post...

Well, its my fifth day here in the GREAT Great Britain (thanks for your cheesiness maury) and pretty simply said, i love it.

Its come to the point where im thinking with a British accent. I haven't been speaking in it out loud just yet, like i was so wonderfully dared to, cause my cousin thinks that imitating her accent doesnt make it "me"; plus she likes to make fun of my American accent. Regardless, i can't help but read all the signs in British and, especially, at the second before i am about to ask someone ("someone,"not including my two cousins im staying with) a question (i usually prepare myself in my head so that it comes out right) i think of it in British and then feel shocked when i speak and it spills out in my normal, "i've been born and raised in Miami "accent. Then i just chuckle a bit and continue about my way.

To tell you the truth, i was frustated with the US, like i have been many times before, for a good... 2.5 seconds when i noticed the crazy effort England, or at least London, makes to be "green." EVERYWHERE napkins, bottles, cups, the containers you buy a sandwhich in, etc., are made of recycled materials and encourged to continue the cycle. In most bathrooms, instead of wasting paper towel or using up even the minimum amount of energy in the super duper "im gonna blow your skin off your bones" hand dryer, they have these things that look like paper towel's hanging out of them, but it's really an actual towel that hangs and loops to the other side. When someone wants to dry their hands they pull the towel down as it follows back into the thing and you have a clean, dry, and fresh towel to wipe the wetness off. The wet dirty towel that continues back into the thingy follows in a roll that is sanitized. WTF??? why don't we have any of those, and if NYC has them by any chance, why don't we all? Im sure it saves a heckload. Besides the "Green Britain" thing, i feel like privacy is also amazingly appreciated. I dont know about any of you, but growing up using public restrooms became annoying when little girls and/or little boys would look through the clear slit of view into the stall created by the stupid space between the door and the rest of the wall. Here: all the stalls involve FULL doors. Even if they dont completely reach the floor and the ceiling, which a lot do, they still are made at an intelligent measurement that allows them to fully come into contact with the other side of the stall. WHO WOULD'VE THOUGH OF THAT?? But as i said, i was only upset for about 2.5 seconds because i am what people call a "positive person" haha. no, but for real, I guess this is an obvious realization that there are people out there who care. GIVEN, there are people in the US that care, but not as much has been done that should have and could have already been done. So im hoping for the better and keeping that in mind to work for the better... Im gonna change that stall problem America, DONT WORRY!!!

Anyway, these past few days have been an absolute blast with my cousins. They've been so generous and kind as to take me everywhere and show me the important stuff, so that TODAY I CAN ROAM ON MY OWN, WHATTT??? yea, im excited. My aim for the day, is to wonder about Richmond. Its this cute little part of London built on another side of the Thames River with lots of little cafe's and shops.

So far, I've seen Trafalgar Square, which i basically fell in with...

And then there was Picadilly Circus...

Well i found myself in an empty chinatown at 10 in the morning ...

Im sure you know that there are a BAJILLION phone booths...

And of course i saw Harry, I MEAN Daniel...again lol

For all the other pictures and a hint for the next blog, check out my Facebook album... ;D

I love all of you and i miss all of you,

Ximena